Everything comes at a price. Financially, emotionally or spiritually, every decision we make about life’s big picture costs something. This knowledge came to me recently, during a few days of me being down because of consumerism and vanity. You see, it kind of bothers me that my little place looks like I live here. Seriously, besides Clyde, the computer and my books, I would love to swap out everything else here for newer, more perfect-looking stuff. And I do know that I should sit down and shut the fuck up, because there are people that would be VERY happy with what I have. It isn’t lack of gratitude, because I know there are areas of my life that I KNOW I’m very lucky to have what I do. Like I said, consumerism & vanity. I personally blame advertising.

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Recently, I tried to mend fences with someone I considered a friend. I let her stay with me for a few months and things got weird. As in felony bad (her, not me). I did my best to let it go but it seems she is holding grudges against me for things she did not actually talk to me about. I apologized anyway, wanting to “do the right thing”. It failed. Miserably. And the funny thing is, I’m not even sure why. I want to be angry. I want to tell her off. I will do none of these things because if she doesn't want me in her life, well, so be it. I was sincere, honest and it didn’t work. Sometimes, ya just gotta let it go.

I have another such situation that I am thinking of doing, but this puts me off trying because I don't like it when things blow up in my face, and this one is even worse.