Greetings, Earthlings : )

It's time for another short story. I used the "system" against itself, handed this in to my professor last year and it impressed him into giving me my A (along with the other short story posted here), despite not being able to give him what he wanted for homework assignments.

You know I want you here. I have told you in as many ways I possibly could. Am I ever going to see that moment? When you give up fighting me? Fighting yourself?

Today was one of those rare moments where you let me see you, with nothing hidden. I told you I like you just fine, thank you.

I’m pushing you, even as I tell myself I won’t. I am walking a delicate balance between it being about you and it being about me. I’ve been doing ok so far, but I’m so afraid to slip.

You have to reach me on your own. I am holding out my hand to you though. I want to help you take that step. I want those walls to crumble.

Keeping my behavior in check is not easy. I hope you appreciate my effort, love.

I don’t care how many people scream for me, it’s never enough. Since you closed yourself off from me so long ago, nothing will ever be enough.

I’ve tried pulling you off that pedestal once. For that, I was punished by your absence in my life. I stopped sleeping. Every time I closed my eyes, all that awaited me in my dreams was pain. After a few days, the others noticed – asked me questions that I dared not answer. You stood off alone, unconcerned, with your head down. You wouldn’t even let me look at you. Then, there was the break.

The week in between shows couldn’t have ended fast enough. I needed my high again. Something had to fill the hole, and really, the distance had to end, didn’t it? Despite your conviction, somehow, I believed you wanted me close.

The first show – I can’t say I remember anything about it except that it gave me the right to touch you and be in your space. You would rationalize that it was “for the show” and therefore acceptable. I was shameless and way over-the-top. You rolled your eyes as you have countless times and I thought everything was ok with us.

After we were done, you kept your distance. I was crushed. I’d ruined the one thing I’ve always relied on to save me.

I’d opted to stay in that night. I was in no mood for revelry. Again – surprised looks all around. I didn’t care. I was tired and lonely. I missed my family and my best friend, who was at that moment, going to “party with the big boys”. Hmpf. Rock-star lifestyle my arse. You, my friend, were way out of your league. Adam knew how to live that life, though in retrospect, perhaps not that well. Even I knew better. I said nothing when you went off with him to do God-knows-what. To this day I still don’t know what went on.

I called home. Even the voices of my angels did nothing to lift my spirits. I rung off with them, peeled off the leather, flopped on the bed and cried myself to sleep.

You realized early on that you felt out of place doing the flash thing. You did accompany me for a while, when I did it. I was always jealous of the attention you would get, even as I encouraged you to indulge yourself. I didn't know that on your own, it felt hollow to you. You called it a night and left alone.

I never heard my door open.

I was trapped in a nightmare. I knew it but could not wake up. I don’t remember what it was I was trying to escape. I don’t want to. I do remember waking up sobbing. Suddenly, you were there, your face full of the usual concern and understanding. You kept asking me what was wrong. I surely couldn’t tell you, though what I did say was no lie. I remember telling you I never wanted to sleep again. You smiled at me. You stroked my hair, like you always would if something was bad. You told me everything was ok. You ended your self-imposed exile and my despair.

I can sleep again.

I’m stuck on this tightrope with you. I see signs of wear in your walls, though. I want to use dynamite to break through, but have to be content with water, A powerful force, water. Slow and steady. It smooths, it changes, it erodes…

Very well then, I am water. And I will wait. I feel your despair and your emptiness. I think you know what you need to do. I can make you happy. I can fill your soul. I’ve long ago realized that in surrender is power. My life is a shining example, is it not?

So, I will wait, as long as it takes, for your surrender.